Holy. Shit.

Today is December 9th, 2012, and I just found out I am pregnant.

Pregnant.

I am guessing 8-9 weeks along.

Pregnant.

I already have a baby. Caleb. You remember him? He is 10 months old and my everything.

Pregnant.

How did this happen? Damn you Mike for being so...what's an appropriate word choice here.....awesome?? (lol) Damn you birth control for failing. Damn you self for sobbing uncontrollably into your husband's chest when you decided to take a test and it came up positive. I NEVER wanted to be unhappy when I found out I was pregnant...and it isn't even that I am unhappy....just shocked...

Pregnant.

I am not ready for baby two. I am still far too infatuated with baby 1. I am not ready to share my time. How can we financially support TWO children? How am I going to take care of a newborn and a 1.5 year old? If I am as far along as I think I am, I am due at the end of July. Soooo Ill be super pregnant for my brother and Megan's wedding at the end of June. Selfish bummer. Maybe I shouldn't even be in the wedding. OMG....delivery. Umm that hurt...I am not ready for that pain again.

Pregnant.

I am on birth control. How did this happen?

Pregnant.

So what made me take a test? Well, I haven't been sick or anything...just super tired and emotional. (of course, now my stomach feels crampy..lol) I noticed I havent had my female friend in a while and have been thinking the past few days that I should just take one...but thought it would be silly since I feel fine. Then just decided on a whim to take one at like 730 at night....and Holy. Goodness. did that sucker turn positive fast! I looked at it for a total of two seconds and ran out of the bathroom and right to mike and just started crying sobbing uncontrollably about how "I wasn't ready".....I feel terrible about that. This poor baby...(omg...I am pregnant again) deserves a better reaction. Luckily Mike responded how I needed him to. He held me to his chest and rubbed my back. When I stopped we just stared at Caleb and told him he was going to be a big brother. He is 10 months old...so he didn't respond..lol.

I think we are both in shock. We aren't telling anyone until we get it confirmed by the doctor.

Holy shit. I am pregnant.

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December 21st

What a crazy two weeks it has been. I called the doctor the next day and went in for blood work since I had NO CLUE how far along I was. They had me come in Monday and Wednesday to see how my levels were. They called me back Thursday and informed me they needed me in for an ultrasound ASAP because my levels were concerning and they wanted to look at the baby and check its implantation and development.

I went in Thursday for the ultrasound and saw that the sac was in high in my uterus...so that was good...but that I was only 5 weeks and 3 days along so we couldn't see the baby. I spoke with my doctor about the likelihood that I would have a miscarriage. She said my levels were just too low and that I should start preparing myself just in case. She asked that I come back Friday (the next day) for another blood draw to see what my numbers did after 3 draws. When I got the call Friday, she said that my levels did go up, but still not where she would like them. She said we should wait the week out and go back in for another ultrasound the next week and see if the baby had developed. We basically were just playing the waiting game to see if I would lose the baby.

 I have never felt this kind of anxiety before. The constant fear that at any moment I may have a miscarriage was taking a toll on me emotionally. I didn't let myself get excited and was truly prepping for the worse.


just the yolk sack, no baby
5w2d



So...this brings me to yesterday. Yesterday mike and I saw our baby and its heartbeat for the first time. :) It was so obvious and exciting that just 7 days ago there was only a yolk sack and now there was a forming baby with a heartbeat. The doctor was perplexed and still seemed a bit nervous. She said that we will see what happens and she went ahead and started me on a progesterone hormone. She asked me to go back in two weeks for another ultra sound to see the developments. Fingers crossed it keeps developing!

Baby 2 due: August 12, 2013

(I can tell that I am still extremely guarded. I don't want to get my hopes up and am not really letting myself daydream about it yet. How can I? How can I get excited about something that I initially freaked out about...then was told I would likely lose? I want this baby more than anything and am trying to remain positive.)



6w3d
(i cant get the picture to rotate)




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January 2, 2013

Had another ultra sound and the baby developed two more weeks and had a heartbeat of 161. I am feeling more excited and hopeful this pregnancy will be a healthy one. :) In fact, nothing but positive thoughts. I am going to transform my thinking and accept that I am pregnant rather than fear that I will lose the baby. Yay! I am going to be a mommy again and Caleb is going to be a big brother!!!

8w3d
HUGE difference
still cant get pic to rotate

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January 8, 2013

I am 9 weeks now and starting to show. (Hello, I just had a baby 11 months ago!) I had no intentions of telling my students before my 2nd trimester, but figured someone would ask me before then...and have no intention of lying to them.

So, today, two day after Christmas break, it happened. One of my girls asked if I was pregnant. She felt bad after asking and her friends were like, "Don't listen to her, Mrs. Keller. You don't look pregnant." I just laughed and was like, "You guys think I look pregnant? Well, if I look pregnant, it's because I am pregnant." I smiled and walked away. They were pretty confused....it was quite funny. Then they realized what I said and got excited. Their first response: "Are we going to have to have a sub??" .....lol...no children....

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January 16, 2013

Got to see our little T-Rex today. I say that because the baby was so clearly defined at this visit and was moving around like a maniac!!! Its little arms reminded me of a T-Rex. :) I am also "in the clear" and am not considered high risk anymore. YAAAY!!!!  (heartbeat was 162) I AM SOOO THANKFUL FOR THIS LIFE GROWING INSIDE ME!!!! ON CLOUD 9!!!!

10w2d
Another HUGE growth

For fun...bc OMG do you start showing quickly with your 2nd...

7 weeks

8 weeks

9 weeks

11w5d