consumed

Hi. My name is Sarah and I am an addict. Yes. It is true. I am completely addicted to the idea of having a baby. I find myself completely surrounded by people who are pregnant, thoughts of being pregnant, designing a nursery, picking out names, growing a larger belly that will be from something other than just getting fat, giving my nieces and nephew a cousin that is close to their age, watching Mike learn to be a father and sharing something that we created with the people we love. Everywhere I go or anything I do, I swear I am either surrounded by it or hearing about it:

• I have 4 co-workers who are pregnant. One is about to pop and the other 3 are all right around 20 weeks
• 2 out of 4 of my best friends are 33+ weeks pregnant
• Several teachers where I student taught are pregnant

This might not seem like a big deal, but with t.v. shows and ADORABLE elephant baby stuff....and beautiful nieces, I feel like it is all around me all of the time. I am not saying I have a problem with it being around me, it just makes me REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to start a family.

I know I may be romanticizing this whole pregnancy a tad...in fact...I do have some hesitations.

• Financial. Babies are freakin' expensive! I know you can never really "afford" a baby, but I do think you can try to plan it when you are a little more financially stable.
• Sleep. I love to sleep. Like...a lot. I know that once I get pregnant and that baby comes, I cannot sleep as much as I want. I also cannot get so upset when my sleep gets interrupted.
• Selfish. Hey, I am being honest. Everyone is selfish. I like to do things when I want and how I want. I am an extremely anxious person and I really like order and things planned in advanced. You can see how this is problematic when wanting to start a family.
• Relationships. In particular, my relationship with Mike. I love him with all of my heart. We are so perfect for each other. With my anxiety about things not working out the way they were planned, he helps me step back and calm down. Mike lets me be me. He never gets angry at dumb choices I make or holds grudges when I am being irrationally (for lack of a better word) bitchy towards him. His overall calmness and living day to day attitude helps me more than he can imagine. What I worry about is the strength of our relationship being tested. I know that we will disagree on things, I just fear the strain of having a baby might cause silly or not so silly fights.
• Weight. I have always had issues with this topic but what if I gain 900 pounds when I get pregnant and I cannot lose any of it?
• Health. What if I do become pregnant but my baby has health issues? I am an extremely emotional person. It is terrifying to think about all of the possibilities of things that could happen.
• Pain. Rumor has it that delivering a baby is painful. Put aside any pain you may have pre-delivery....D-day is scary to me. I mean, the thought of....never mind...I wont go into details. : )

Okay, wow. Writing down all of my hesitations make me feel silly. These are all very normal hesitations that most women probably have. I am not even pregnant or planning to become pregnant....and I am stressing about nothing. Jeez. See, this is what I am talking about. I over-analyze things that are unnecessary and work myself into this anxious state....

Long story not so short, I cannot wait to get pregnant. Mike and I have talked about it a lot lately and we both still agree that it's best to get at least one year of teaching under my belt. Being a first year teacher is hard enough. I cannot imagine being pregnant on top of it (...gibbs)  :)

All I really know is that I love Aubrey and Rayleigh more than I ever thought I could. If I love them this much, I cannot imagine how much I will love my own child. <3


At Brown Country State Park with the girls, Ray, Crystal, Renee and Adam. What a great day!

Even though I do not get to see him enough, I can't explain how happy it makes me when I do get to. Giving him a cousin to play with is something that I cannot wait to do!

Andrew Kissling <3